Incredible

“You’re incredible,” he said, “even though you might not always believe it.”

One statement. Ten words. So much power.

When I read this, my immediate reaction was to say thank you – followed by a “you’re too kind” or “I don’t know about that.” Why is it that this type of commendation is often so difficult for us to hear and accept? Even when we’re proud of our work, our progress, our growth, we struggle to find ourselves incredible. It’s always easier to focus on our failings or what we haven’t yet accomplished.

I’m not sure what is to blame for this culture. Maybe it’s the direct effect of the comparative practice trap that much of social media can instigate. Maybe it’s the sheer amount of edu-famousness that is taking over Twitter – the rise of the edu-heroes. Maybe it’s the lack of attention we give to daily or weekly reflection of our growth and our wins. Maybe it’s work environment – being surrounded by brilliance and seeing this as competition as opposed to inspiration.

In a recent article for 99U, Dr. Christian Jarrett warns of the dangers of being too hard on yourself. He counters the idea that believing in yourself – showing yourself respect and kindness – is self-indulgent. Rather, this is what is coined “self-compassion.”

People high in self-compassion are honest about their own shortcomings and contribution to failure, but they don’t beat themselves up for it. Rather, they comfort themselves, they recognize failure and mistakes as part of life, and they see the situation as a chance to grow.

When I read this, I immediately recognized my reaction to being called incredible. Instead of simply being honored that this person (who I greatly admire) values me and sees my potential, I began creating excuses in my head for why I’m not incredible – beating myself up for what I view as my failings and shortcomings. I also realized that this is neither healthy nor productive.

The friend I mentioned before went on to remind me to continue making my dent in the universe. Isn’t that an amazing thought!? Our work, passion, dedication, and action all come together to form our dent – however large or small it may be.

This is what I want to do. I want to create the time and space to be kind to myself, to be honest about my failings, but to recognize that these are merely a chance to learn and grow. I want to do what Gandhi meant when he said,

In a gentle way, you can shake the world.

And most importantly, I want to help create an environment (and maybe even a culture) where others become more self-compassionate. Imagine how big our collective dent will be when we all start realizing and believing just how incredible we are.

And to my friend, who will always have a special place in my heart, thank you.